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PostPosted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 3:59 pm 
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August 12, 2015

Morris dancers and blind footballers in mass brawl

By Hugh Dunnett
Crime Reporter


Police were called after a mass brawl broke out in a pub car park between a group of morris dancers and a blind football team.

The footballers were enjoying a match on the village green at Rattlesden, near Stowmarket, using a ball with a bell in it so they could keep up with play.

But all hell broke out when the morris dancers began performing at a nearby pub.

A player kicked the ball off the pitch towards the Brewers Arms, and then mistook the morris dancers’ uniform bells for the one in the ball.

He promptly kicked one of the dancers in the shin, sending him flying over a table and crashing into a flower pot. A hanging basket then fell on his head.

More blind footballers then joined the melee, kicking out at the bells and then being surprised when they were punched by furious morris men.

The brawl was only stopped when the referee caught up and blew his whistle loudly.

Three morris men suffered severely bruised legs, while one of the footballers had a cut caused by being hit on the head with a morris dancer’s stick.

With everyone blaming each other, the police were called to sort out the mess.

A Suffolk police spokesman said: “It was certainly an unsual call from one of the locals in the pub. By the time we got there it had all calmed down, and both sides realised how the mistake had been made.

“In fact they had made up and were all enjoying a drink together, although a couple were still being patched up by the landlord’s wife.

“We took no further action, but recommended that the morris men did not use bells on their uniforms when the blind footballers were playing nearby.”

- http://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/morr ... ers-brawl/

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 8:05 pm 
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That has got to be an onion article, surely? :))

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 11:19 pm 
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Alaskan Viking wrote:
That has got to be an onion article, surely? :))


My thoughts exactly. Too hilarious to be true.

Morris dancers get lots of stick here (pun intended) if they walk round folk festivals with their bells on.

I used to play concertina for an all female team, which was interesting, all their boobs would bounce at different rates, putting my timing off, lol. So I had to watch their feet. Also a lot of male teams hated to see females dancing as it wasn't "traditional". To which I just replied, "well it is now mate".


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 1:40 am 
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Awesome.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 1:41 am 
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Hmmm...does the fact I find this funny knowing full well it's BS make me an old fart. If so...fuck yeah.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 9:09 am 
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Alaskan Viking wrote:
That has got to be an onion article, surely? :))


Not "The Onion", but the Suffolk Gazette.

Which is a new discovery of mine. :))

It takes the same line as The Onion, but from the other end of the perspective: riffing on parochial English journalism's subject matter and style, as opposed to the The Onion articles that tend to skewer the Heart of Empire.

According to the Suffolk Gazette, Kim Jong-Un, erstwhile leader of the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea, is currently "enjoying a summer break at his caravan on the Suffolk coast near Sizewell". And it is from there that he has expressed approval of Jeremy Corbyn's campaign for leadership of the U.K.'s Labour Party, comparing Corbyn's plans to those that have worked "very well, thank you" in his own country.

Just the sort of thing that tickles me.

:D

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